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Top :: General ::Love and Relationships::
Black woman with sikh Man requires
advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 02:38:26
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I have been dating a Sikh man whom is in his
twenties for almost a year and although we
love each other, we may not have a future due
to his family's culture.
I am black (quite fair skinned) but my family
is very mixed with black and white and due to
my family being rather diverse and open they
do not condemn any racism etc. Basically I
can date who I wish to date as long as they
make me happy and have a good clean heart.
My family will accept anyone and are not
deterred by religion, race or culture.
The problem I am suffering is that my partner
who I love dearly is too scared to tell his
parents of my existence.
He has promised on many occasions that he
would tell his parent but has never done so
and due to this we have broken up on two
occasions but later got back together due to
the way we feel for one another.
At one point he became almost suicidal
because he loves me and his family and would
love both in his life.
He treats me like a queen, we travel abroad
together, he stays at my apartment most
weekends and we are like best friends as well
as girlfriend and boyfriend.
However I will be turning thirty in August
and do not want to continue to be in a
relationship in which means I will always be
some kind of secret due to one's culture or
what I like to call it "ignorance."
My partner wants kids and marriage but how
can we have these things and I am a secret?
I would be so selfish to bring kids into this
situation without being introduced to my
partner's family etc.
In light of the above I have given my partner
until my birthday to tell his parents about
me, or it is over for good as I can't keep
living a lie.
When I first started dating my partner he
told me his parents were not racist or
ignorant, then once I fell in love with him
and asked when I would be able to meet his
parents he confessed what they were really
like. Basically they would not be happy with
him dating anyone that is not Indian nor
Sikh.
I am scared that he won't tell his parents
about me and I will have to leave him for
good.
It just saddens me that people associate the
Sikh religion with culture. When in fact it
is not the religion (as the Sikh religion
states that everyone is equal etc) however
people are ignorant/racist and some live
their lives for others praise and this is
what causes more racism and ignorance in the
world.
We are all human and have the same colour
blood running through our veins.
The most important thing in life to me is
that you have faith, live your life with a
clean heart and love, be happy and help one
another.
Am I wrong for giving him a deadline?
Are my friends’ right in saying that he will
never tell his parents?
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 02:49:45
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Hi Zagdog,
Thank you for your response.
No we love in the same country, he lives
inner Londona and I live outter London.
He is 28 and I am 29 (almost thrity- in 7
weeks or so).
I really hate racism or ignorance, if two
people love one another why can't they be
happy? Would his parents prefer he is sad
and yearning for someoneelse whilst being
with a indian girl of their choice? That is
so wrong.
I believe that god has given us all life and
therefore we have to cherish it and try our
best to at least live a happy life.
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 03:14:42
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Hi Zandog
His parents are married and he still lives at
home with them. He has an older brother that
does not know of my existance and a sister
that does know about me. His sister said she
will support us no matter what.
Deadline- there is no going back on it. I
feel like I will be disrespecting myself as
well as good to be in a relationship and be
so unhappy when I have a choice to leave. It
has even gotten to the point where my family
are becoming concerened about the whole
thing. No parent would like their child to
be a secret due to ignorance???
Like you said, I am lucky I am young,
comfortable, never married, nor have
children. The world can still be my
Oyster...
Are Sikh men just weak???
I have muslim friends and their families are
different a a bit more accepting.
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 03:18:35
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Hi Paul,
It appears that you have totally misread my
comments.
I am not bragging at all, far from that
actually.
Yes I am sad in regards to my relationship
hence being on this site to acquire some
advice.
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 03:26:19
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Hi Zandog,
That is true, everything you have said has
crossed my mind.
Not sure if I make him weak so to speak to be
honest.
I wish there was a cure for love pain 
Perhaps the pain I am about to receive from
him is brewing.
I few Sikh girls I know told me to get out
while I can and that Sikh men are very weak
in standing up for themselves etc.
"real love does not see colour, it just sees
a beautiful soul that it never wants to
leave" |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 03:34:54
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Thank you Zandog, your are a gem.....
Glad you like my quote, I am a
singer/songwriter too
By the way I loved your profile.
Stay in touch.. I will let you know what
happens.
Fingers and toes crossed... xx |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
niagarafalls
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 03:48:31
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yes, I see there are two factors to consider
in this case, Dr. niagara here !
The controling family/community/closed
community, and the age old stopper known as
cold feet.
On the cold feet part of the problem yer
significant other may be hiding behind the
controling family/community using that as a
secure buffer zone between himself and the
actual commitment otherwise know as marriage.
Between now and dead line, he either takes
command of his own ship,or he abandons the
ship,giving it up ,and surrenders himself the
the will if his familys religous rule.
He has free will, but he must imbrace it.
Ther's hope fer yers ! |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
niagarafalls
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 05:23:05
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And I wish you the very best Rushella !
Stand positive in your position. Hold yer
position and do not compromise it or
yourself.
He must commit to you whole heartedly or not
at all.There is no compromising that.
It may be a very hard choice,but, he must
choose.
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
jaggy05
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 11:32:39
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Rushella. .sikh guys are not weak in any
care. .they r strong wid their relation. .
What i can make out from ur words is that th
sikh guy love u a lot. . Along wid that he
loves his family as wel. .its nt a common
practice in sikh relign to marry a girl of
othr relgn. .so he is cncrnd for tht as wel.
. |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 11:38:51
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Hi Jaggi
Why isn't it common that a Sikh person cannot
be with a person of another background?
This is a choice made by the Sikh culture not
religion as the Sikh religion preach that
everyone is equal etc.
We all have the same colour blood running
through our veins! |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
hoofydoolittle
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 11:46:08
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If the guy can't even be honest bout you to
his family then how many other lies has he
told. Lies are never a good basis for a
relationship. Have you slept together, if so
then this is the only reason he is with you.
No respecting religious woman would have sex
before marriage. You are the cake my dear and
he's probably eaten it. LOL Well if your
silly enough to let your your intelligence in
a situation be blinded by love rather than
rational thinking hell mend you! |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
jaggy05
Date:
2009-07-04
Time: 13:02:45
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Rushella. .ya we have same red blood running
acros our blood vessel but th mentality we
devolp being in our culture hv bearing on our
relation in society rathr than colour. . Th
sikh guy and u hv experence th society that
his parents hvn't. .so i wil b hard for tht
boy to convience his parents. . But ya u r
ABSOLUTELY rgt tht atleast he should make a
one attempt to convince his parents that he
hvn't dn so far. . And he must do it for ur
love to bles forever. . And blv me if ur love
is true then it is round th corner to happen.
. Beside that u both should sit together and
u should try to get thing being on his side
and he being on ur side. . Sikh r very nice
and emotional at heart. .so if u both r
bonded wid true love then u wil b blesd for
sure. . |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
deeva09
Date:
2009-07-06
Time: 02:54:20
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my boyfriend is sikh too, his family are ok
with him have a "love-match" marriage so im
ok with that but my dad is slighty racist, he
only wants me to marry someone british. i
really love my boyf alot and hopefully we
will ahve a future, but my dad onlys knows i
have a boyfriend, i dont know how to tell my
dad that my boyf is Inidan :-( |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rushella
Date:
2009-07-06
Time: 22:16:41
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Hiya
Your lucky that your boyfriend's family are
okay. Mind you from my understanding the
Sikh culture would rather you be with a white
person that a black or mixed race person.
I am sorry that your father is racist but
have to say if you love your boyfriend and
truly want a future with him, you will really
need to be honest and tell your dad. Educate
your father, tell him how you feel and tell
him that the most important thing for him is
that you are happy.
I wish you the best of love, pray on it hun.
x |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
rancid_cartman
Date:
2009-07-07
Time: 18:24:37
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rushella if you meant anything to him and he
is the sort of man you would really want to
spend the rest of your life with, dont you
think he should have confronted his racist
parents a long time ago, i mean you've been
going out for nearly a year ffs, is he
ashamed of being with you  !! |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
deeva09
Date:
2009-07-10
Time: 01:47:03
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thanks rushella! i love my boyf alot, more
than he thinks he knows and i know he loves
me more than i realise too. i hope my dad can
see past his stupid views. cos if i do get
married id want my family to be there |
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
fuekal
Date:
2009-07-27
Time: 15:01:17
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thanks to all...........
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>
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Re: Black woman with sikh Man
requires advice please |
islandlad
Date:
2009-07-27
Time: 15:15:00
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What a nice thread.
Nasty problem Rushella; it's hard for some
who live in a more open society to appreciate
the pressures of culture but what an
impressive set of responses...mostly. I wish
you luck lass.
btw, why don't you, Deeva and Jaggy spend a
bit more time on the forums? You all have
some great points of view and experiences. |
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