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Top :: General ::Advice Forum::
help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 18:50:54
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Hi
Ive been seeing martin for just over 8 months
now, and we seem to be getting on well. In
fact things are quite serious between us and
martin has been talking about marraige!
However, he has a few issues that I find
difficult to cope with (and Im sure he'd say
the same about me!). the first one is he
always changes our plans without telling me -
sometimes letting my son down, and he takes
cocaine - my violent ex took cocaine and I
dont want it in my life again. Anyway we
sort of fell out on Monday cos he asked me to
his house and when I got there he'd gone out!
He didn't let me know. then on Tuesday, my
friend died - I was with her. I went to
Martin's to get something and he told me that
the relationship was too hard so I said if
its too hard end it. He said fine - get your
stuff and go, so I did. All the time, my
heart was breaking cos my friend had died
less than 2 hours earlier. On Thursday I
text him cos we were going to a wedding on
Friday (he was best man) and he told me he
didn't want me to go to the wedding cos he
needed time to think. I was really upset at
this and almost begged him not to do it. He
still said no, so I went to my mums, to deal
with this and the death of my friend. My mum
managed to calm me down and all the while am
getting texts from martin saying it was over.
then at 5 he text me "do you want to go to
the wedding. Just yes or no" by this point
I'd already arranged to go into work so I
said so. he finished with me again. I was
so upset. then he text me on Friday to say
he was in the wedding car and was very
nervous. I haven't heard anything since.
What do I do?
Please help, I'm very upset and missing him |
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Re: help please |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 18:59:12
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Knock it on the head sweets - he needs to
sort out his head before he can even think
about a relationship with anyone.
We all deserve the best.
Don't let him confuse you, otherwise you will
end up settling for what he wants, when a
relationship is supposed to be a two way
thing. |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 19:15:38
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thanks folks. I kinda knew that in my heart,
but I do love him. He's not the father of my
son, no. He says he doesn't take cocaine
around me but he did last weekend and then
lied to me when I asked him. I really love
him, and I dont want to grovel, but i text
him about an hour ago that I miss him and
I've had no reply. The thing is, I know
he'll be blaming me for this, cos he tried to
convince me I was palying mind games with
him. i work very closely with his sister, I
like her, but they are very close. I dont
want her thinking badly of me or for this to
jeapordise what has been, a very good working
relationship |
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Re: help please |
tomyz
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 19:17:17
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sounds like you wud be betta off without this
dude, while some people take coke as a
recreational drug, the eratic behavior
suggests this is more than social use ,
bordering on addiction, and with a child to
protect, having someone who uses drugs in
your household is a very dangerous thing to
do, both for the well being and safety of the
child and the posability that u cud loose the
child if social services found out,
while it hurts now , im sure u can do much
better.... |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 19:19:53
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It does hurt, yes. I know I sound pathetic,
and I try not too. Mu emotions are just all
over the place at the moment, I'm not even
really getting the chance to deal with my
friends death. I just dont understand why he
would do this to me, when he's been telling
me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of
his life with me - I am gullible, or even
stupid? |
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Re: help please |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 19:24:19
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You don't sound pathetic sweets - you are
having to live with your heart as we all do.
You have to think of yourself and your son.
If you want to be with him, then be with him
by all means - but love yourself and your son
enough to do your own thing, and see him as a
by-product of your life.
If he thinks enough of you he will rethink
his life and behaviour; if he doesn't, you
will have gotten used to living your own
life, that you will kinda say 'oh well!' |
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Re: help please |
tomyz
Date:
2008-05-03
Time: 19:27:06
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no u dont sound like that, you have just
suffered a very awful trauma of loosing a
friend, this fella has hurt you selfishly at
a time when u least needed it, give yourself
time to come to terms with the loss of your
friend, maybe take a few days away and stay
away from this martin bloke til u know you
are ready to deal with the situation . |
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Re: help please AGAIN! |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 11:24:52
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Hi
thanks for all your adivce - which I
appreciated but, unfortunately, ignored. I
weent to Martin's house this morning and when
I got there, there were lager bottles in his
drive, bags full of empty bottles and cans
sitting at his door, and when I knocked on
the door, he answered, still drunk and
obviously on coke but in his underpants. He
came out of his bedroom. I went into his
house and there was a couple inthe spare bed,
a woman lying on the sofa and he was there
was a man lying on top of his bed. I freaked
out and told him I hated him and that I would
be back at ten for my things. I walked out
the door to come home and calm down but I
went back to his house and he answered the
door, drinking again, and I went in and went
a bit crazy. I started to shout at him (I
dont know why) and started to take all my
things - even the things I gave him as gifts.
I took the bed covers off the bed, the watch
off his wrist, the ipod speakers... I didn't
get all my things though. But in his
bedroom, the front of the drawer in which we
keep the condoms was ripped off, and all the
other stuff in it was strewn across the
floor. There was an open pack of condoms on
his bedside table and an open sachet of
lubricant on the the other. He says he didnt
have sex with anyone and that he doesn't know
why it was like that.
I've made a bit of a full of myself. I don't
know what to do. |
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Re: help please |
red9t9
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 12:07:18
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He like's his booze, coke, shagging, and
friend's over and above your relationship it
seem's! he's cracking you up
already....you've no chance with him. |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 13:06:37
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thanks red, I think your right. I've really
calmed down now - and am cleaning my house
(which is supposed to be theraputic! I do
love him, and I miss him terribly, but I
think its over now. what do I do about my
things that are at his house though? I have
some jewellery and furniture there which I
would really like back, and he owes me a
couple of hundred quid, which is a lot for a
single parent. Do I just cut my losses? |
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Re: help please |
dunc4
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 16:05:42
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ok if i said you need your heid looked,you'd
take offence judging by whats on your
profile.
so judging by whats on your profile why the
fk are you putting up with this crap,ya know
the worlds a big place,you can do alot better
that a loser like him,and i'm sure you would
be appreciated and loved 100% more than you
are just now.Stand outside of the box,have a
look in,then the decisiion will become
crystal clear. |
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Re: help please |
the_gate_keeper
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 16:50:03
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anniewoo
I think you should become BI .... and get
yourself a Russian mail order bride....
I've heard there quiet reliable....and a
wizard round the house.....
you only need to feed them one bale of Hay a
day.....and there happy..
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Re: help please |
suze
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 17:13:58
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hes a closet control freak coming out
life will never get better
10 year old son and mother have to put some
positive direction in their lives
good luck annie
 |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-04
Time: 19:53:57
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I think your right, when I was leaving his
house today he said we should chat about
things, I didn't answer him! Not sure about
the Russian bride suggestion, though it did
make me laugh! My friends funeral is on
Wednesday, then I think I'll get a flight for
me and my boy and fly off somewhere nice (not
russia!) |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-11
Time: 18:56:01
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Hi folks, pathetic me again. Guess what?
Martin has finished WITH ME! And he didn't
do it, he got his sister to text me. Can you
believe it? I wanted to finish with him.
But I'm still heartbroken. Why? |
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Re: help please |
luckylips1
Date:
2008-05-11
Time: 19:15:44
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dont be upset annie...youre well rid of the
damn loser.
like jaz said, i guess youre hurt because you
still were with him and must have grown fond
of him.
just natural feelings.  |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-11
Time: 19:42:25
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I know, but I met him on Friday and I said I
coudn't go on like this, I needed it to end.
But he said no, just give me some space to
think. why would he do that? Am I being
pathetic here? |
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Re: help please |
anniewoo
Date:
2008-05-16
Time: 16:41:40
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Hi folks. Just a wee update on my situation.
Have finally put an end to all the crap
that's been going on and ended the whole
thing. Have changed my phone numbers and
deleted his. Its all over (what kept me?)
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Thanks everyone x |
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