bigharry
Date:
2008-04-19
Time: 20:39:55
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children
and decided to use a surrogate father to
start their family. On the day the proxy
father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer happened to
ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, can I help you?"
"Good morning, come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain,"Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good. Did you know babies are
my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat". After a
moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do
we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a
couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
room floor is fun. You can really spread out
there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time. But if we try several
different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with
the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take
his time. I'd love to be in and out in five
minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith.
The photographer opened his briefcase and
pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he
said.
"Oh, my Gosh!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping
at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally
well - when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five
deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her
eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for
more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling. I could
hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally,
when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.
"Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're
ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get
to work right away."
"Tripod ?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be
held in the hand very long...."
Mrs. Smith fainted......
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