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Top :: General ::Parents Forum::
abusive boyfriend...help |
helpme_please
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 12:28:40
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my daughter is 13 and has an ex 16 yr old
boyfriend. trouble is that she is obsessed
with him and keeps contacting him especially
in the early hours of the morning. he does
nothing to discourage her and controls her by
being mentally abusive. i dont know how much
to step in because she become svery
aggressive towrds me - shouting and saying
that it is her life etc. what do i do, i want
to help so much |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 12:40:44
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She is still a minor, and is therefore your
responsibility.
What happens if the abuse ends up becoming
more than just mental?
I think that you need to try to sit her down,
and have a chat with her.
Tell her also, that if she wants you to treat
her with a degree of maturity, then she has
to show maturity, and that talking involves
listening.
Try not to get aggressive and controlling
with her, but understanding. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
loonylulu007
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 12:45:48
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hi , the help you need is you to believe you
can get the upper hand.
this is from my own experience,
Grit your Teeth and make HIM welcome in your
home, Very simple to observe!
Do Not loose your child to the the ?
Make him welcome.
you did not bring her up to be independant
and yours.
Do the quiet fight honey it does work KEEP
COOL |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
doicare
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 12:47:58
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Phone the boy yourself! as he is 16 threaten
to phone the police on him for grooming a
minor, if he don't stop responding to your
daughters calls! as your daughter is only 13.
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
apapa
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 12:53:28
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ex boyfriend?
doesn't sound ex to me.
Difficult cos u dont wanna drive her away.
But you cant let her be with him if she is.
If he's nailing her and she's underage, tbh,
nothing will get done about it. You could
give him a good kicking and warn him off but
that wont really work. You just have to let
it run its course. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
belluci
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 16:05:06
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Like someone else said, at 13 she's very much
your responsibility.
Do you think it's ok for her to be the
girlfriend of a 16 yr old lad?
Do you know what most 16 yr old lads expect
from their girlfriends?
In the case of your daughter, that's called
statutory rape or at the very least,
corruption of a minor.
I can totally understand her having a 'crush'
on this lad of 16, but you say he's her
'ex-boyfriend' so there must have been a
relationship of some kind at some point!
(I'd be highly suspicious of any 16yr old
wanting to date a 13yr old).
He's probably realised how big the age gap is
(emotionally speaking rather than in years)
which is why he's called it a day & is now
just enjoying the female attention stringing
her along.
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
luckylips1
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 16:22:32
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threaten to call the police if he doesnt stop
contacting your daughter. someone else has
said it already but i believe it will help.
also agree with sarahs approach but insist on
not letting them see each other.
what does a 16 year old want with a 13 year
old. its gross.
she needs to learn some respect for you and
she needs to realise that your trying to help
her, not ruin her life. 
my mum was great with me and very open....
she gave me freedom to a degree but also
boundaries..... i turned out great. didnt
have sex till 15, respect myself and others,
never fight, never stolen etc.
be open and straight, be a mother but also a
friend. you just need to get the balance
right.
good luck and i hope it work out well....she
will realise you were just trying to help
when she gets older. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 16:40:09
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The age gap doesn't bother me - after all,
legally they are both still minors - but the
mental abuse does (i may get some stick from
that revelation, but age is a number, so so
many people have said!)
What also bothers me is that at an
impressionable age, your daughter is
accepting that this kind of behaviour is
acceptable.
The boy maybe that immature, but you as a
parent are not, and can see what is going on,
and you are in a position to help and educate
your daughter.
You don't want her to get into a pattern that
could affect her life, and maybe eventually
end it.
Every 3 days a woman dies as a result of
domestic violence - and that includes
emotional, mental, physical and sexual
abuse.
You need to let your daughter know that you
are on her side, and that you only want
what's best for her, and that her happiness
is paramount to you.
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
belluci
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 17:12:21
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"The age gap doesn't bother me - after all,
legally they are both still minors"
The age of consent though is 16 so 'legally'
he'd be breaking the law if they were in a
sexual relationship. I don't think that can
be ignored.
Totally agree with everything else you say
though.
Teenagers eh?
My 2 are both under 10 so I guess I've got it
all to come. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
apapa
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 17:19:32
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Look, how many times have underage girls been
having sex with lads and nothing done about
it. A lot of times if both parties deny it
the police do nothing. If she was 11 or 12
when it started I think there is some loop in
the law that allows prosecution but you'd
have to find that out.
Anyway. It needs stopping. She's 13 ffs, just
out of knee high white socks and pigtails and
he's an adult. Forget what i said in the last
post and get the boys sent round. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 17:20:19
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16 is the legal age of sexual consent, but
until you are 18, you are still a minor.
And bear in mind, that usually boys are
mentally less mature than girls for quite a
while.
It's swings and roundabouts for the majority
of cases.
My daughter is 15, and yet she had more
pressure from guys her own age around 18
months to 2 years ago, than she did from guys
who were 2/3 years older than her.
But fortunately for her and for me, we have a
good relationship, and she is in no hurry to
escape from me.
I treat her with the maturity that she shows
me - if she wants to act like a baby, i will
treat her as such, and if she wants to be
treated like an adult, and behaves like one,
then i will give her that respect.
We both learn a lot from each other |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
apapa
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 18:56:26
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Don't hold your breath for help from the
police.
And even then, thats a whole other can of
worms. She'll get called a slag if all that
kicks off and no ones actually sayin this
child is havin any kinda sex anyway. think
before you do anything. And get a big stick. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
cheekychicken
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 18:59:21
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Every time he comes to the house make sure
you have a bucket of extremely sticky pancake
mix ready and launch it all over him....Aim
for the face girl, and good luck |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
apapa
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 21:38:00
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And then smack him over the head with it
(hardback of course)
While he's unconscious stuff his pants with
the torn up pages and a light dousing of
accelerant. Light a match
Run
Deny everything |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
just_den
Status: Moderator
Date:
2008-03-30
Time: 23:21:59
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i thought you had your trousers down on that
pic mrs wolfy...
get a base ball bat, and take his knee caps,
thats what i would do...
the outer edge... wallop, sorted, he wont
come back... |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
skelter
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 00:56:32
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tell her there more things than him to deal
with and she eeds to get over him it will
hurt her hun but she can cope if she had u
there for her hun thats all
shes young she has her life ion front of her
to live and move on maybe she needs her mum
ther more take her mobild off her till she is
over him then del his number off her phone
and then hse may get over that horrible guy
and get with another guy and be happy
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
belluci
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 09:07:47
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I've just re-read the original post & it
seems like keeping this lad away isn't the
problem.
He IS staying away. The problem is that her
13yr old daughter is still obsessed with him
& contacts him all the time, usually in the
middle of the night!
The obvious thing to do would be to make her
leave her mobile downstairs when she goes to
bed.
Do ALL 13yr olds have mobiles these days? |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 09:43:16
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My kids have had mobiles since they were 10.
My 2 eldest (13 and 15) are out quite a lot
of the time, and i can get hold of them, like
if i get worried, or if i have to leave the
house for whatever reason.
My 13 year old son is more responsible with
his, than my 15 year old daughter is.
They are handy for me, as i do tend to worry
a lot. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
luckylips1
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 09:49:24
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babe...the problem is with using reverse
psychology is that in the meantime, her
daughter is having sexual intercourse with
this 'pleb'.
some may say that you cant be sure shes slept
with him but i would say that it is more than
likely.
kids have sex very young nowdays. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 09:58:34
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Probably.
The thing is, kids will do these things
behind your back anyway.
My daughter wants to wait, and i am happy
about that, because i know what i was doing
at her age.
But my relationship with my daughter is
totally different to what i had with my mum
.
At the end of the day, as long as kids
understand the implications of sex (which
most of them do) then they can prevent bad
things happening.
Domestic abuse however, isn't taught at
school or home, and the effects are very
damaging and can last a lifetime.
If you don't know about something let alone
understand it, then you can't do anything to
prevent it.
Most kids respond better to understanding
than being forced to do something. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 10:07:08
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I wasn't which is why i never spoke to my mum
about anything - i vowed i would never be
like my mum when i had kids.
And i have found that being understanding,
and giving reasons for things, and then
letting the kids make decisions based on what
they know, allows them to make the right
choices for them.
Sometimes they have made choices that i
haven't agreed with, but i don't want them to
be minitures of me.
I want them to grow up being free-thinking
and independent. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
luckylips1
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 10:21:49
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you sound like a great mum and im sure your
children respect you very much.
im doing my best to be a good mum. hes only
21 months old now but he listens to 'no' and
is just a generally happy boy.
i love that hes so content.
i dont understand people who bring their kids
up bad if thats the way they were treated.
i will never let anyone hurt my son,
especially i wouldnt |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 10:27:28
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I know Ellie, and i am sure that you are a
wonderful mum.
Some people use childhood abuse as an excuse
to do what they know is wrong, instead of
getting help and changing their lives.
If you didn't like something as a child
(behaviour wise) then why do it to your own
children?
I can't understand it myself. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
luckylips1
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 10:30:37
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i totally agree with pretty much all you ever
say.
morals are common sense.....
when youre grown people you know the
difference between right and wrong.
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 18:48:04
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At the end of the day, the person who it
involves should go along with what their
intuition tells them - regardless of our
input.
And apapa - you are either a really bitter
person, or you need a good f**k!
All i've seen of your posts is sarcasm,
bitterness or nastiness.
Stick to the posts that you have an actual
opinion on, or just shut up. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 18:56:29
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GK, i can have a laugh as much as the next
person - but i do it in the posts that are
meant to be humourous.
But i have taken notice of peeps in here as i
go along, and some peeps just need a good
f**k to loosen them up.
Not my prob if they are uptight - or just
tight!
But they p**s me off, nonetheless |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
lil_red_gem
Date:
2008-03-31
Time: 19:15:57
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lol Ellie,
Like agreeing on an opinion makes us weird.
Maybe we did have a 'moment' and are closet
lezzo's - Ellie? Did you know that i am soooo
in love with you?
Did you know that i am THAT close to
your...bits? lol
Takes the p**s, don't it? |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
328sue320
Date:
2008-06-03
Time: 23:13:33
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hi just seen ur post. not sure what a 16 yr
old boy is doing with a 13 yr old. i
understand ur problem. my own daughter was
seeing a boy a few years ago, i couldn't
stand him. he hurt her(mentally)and she spent
most of the time crying over him. i banned
her from seeing him, made it difficult for
her to get out to meet him (he lived in kent,
we're in essex) and did everything in my
power to make her see he was a waste of time.
nothing worked so i changed tack. didn't
exactly welcome him with open arms but let
him stay at ours at weekends etc. as soon as
i backed off my daughter didn't seem as
interested anymore. the only good advice i
can give you, is keep the lines of
communication open.just remind her that you
love her and u want her to be happy. good
luck. |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
karenqwerty
Date:
2008-06-03
Time: 23:38:48
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hiya, ive not read other peoples threads on
here but i would just like to say, try not to
get involved with her too much unless it
becomes physical, i know it going to be very
hard but if she has feelings for this boy
then no matter what u do or say will stop her
from seeing or talking to him, but please ba
aware of the signs if he becomes physical,
the more you nag at her the more she will do
what u dont want, im talking though
experience, so please just always there for
her and never tell her "i told u so" i hope
we have all helped you x x |
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Re: abusive boyfriend...help |
bigharry
Date:
2008-06-03
Time: 23:39:45
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Ellow Ellow.
Firstly try looking at this from your
daughters point of view, she probably has her
first crush an older guys she can boast about
to her mates. Then you will be able to find a
rational way of dealing with teh situation
and explaining to your daughter your
concerns.
 |
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