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Top :: Regional ::Ipswich::
ufo's |
tomptmp
Date:
2007-12-16
Time: 11:25:59
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did ne 1 see them lights in the sky last
night over ipswich?
me and a friend walked to the shop and we see
about 7 lights in the sky,as we watched them
they just faded away.
iv never seen any thing like it and was just
wanted to know if ne 1 see them? |
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Re: ufo's |
bonzo_1uk
Date:
2007-12-16
Time: 11:49:11
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Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the
morning after a hard night drinking
and thought 'How on earth did I get home?'
As hard as you try, you cannot piece together
your return journey from the
pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle
is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of
transport, owned and leased to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine.
Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these
magical devices. The Beer
Scooter works in the following fashion:- The
passenger reaches a certain
level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland"
begins to give off a
pheromone.
Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors
detects this pheromone and sends
down a winged Beer Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and
deposits them in their bedroom via
a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not
cheap
to run, so a large portion of the passenger's
in-pocket cash is taken as
payment.
This answers the second question after a
night out 'How did I spend so much
money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor
safety record and are thought to
Be responsible for over 90% of all UDI
(Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter
is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of
Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time
will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night
out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the
REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically
removes, in descending order,those parts in
time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not
necessarily the
REMIT of another and quite often lost time is
regained in discussions over
a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer
Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction
thus
sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom,
often with horrific
consequences. With recent models including a
GPS, Bacchus
made an investment in a scooter drive-thru
chain specializing in half eaten
kebabs and pizza crusts.
Another question answered!!
For the family man, Beer Scooters come
equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots
(Patent Pending). These boots are designed in
such a way that no matter how
quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are
sure to wake up your other half. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that
you bump into every wall in the house and
the
CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)
explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest
in
for some scooters is the TAS(Tobacco
Absorption System). This explains how
one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which
allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures,
wearing just a T-shirt.
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